Non-Penetrative Anal Play 101

When people talk about anal play, they often primarily (or exclusively) mean penetrative anal play. However, anal play doesn’t have to involve penetration at all! In this post, I’ll be talk about two common forms of non-penetrative anal play: external anal massage and rimming.

External Anal Massage

Not all anal massage needs to involve penetration. The area around the anal opening has a lot of nerve endings, which can feel extremely erotic to play with, stimulate, or massage. This isn’t something that’s anatomy specific, so no matter if you have a prostate or not, external anal massage is still something you can enjoy. For some people and in some cases, external anal massage can be a warm-up or preliminary to anal penetration, but it can also be a really fun sex act on its own.

Hygiene and STI Risk

There’s very little published research on any kind of manual sex—that is, sex using the hands—and the few papers that have been published tend to focus on penetrative fingering rather than external stimulation. We do know that manual sex is less risky than other forms of sex, and that even penetrative anal fingering actually has a very low risk of HIV transmission. That said, it’s still a good idea to use a lube, wash hands before and after anal play, and cut long nails (and make sure they don’t have sharp edges!) or wear nitrile gloves with cotton in the tips if you want to keep your nails long.

With exclusively external anal massage, there’s no need to do anything more than was the external anal area with antibacterial soap and water. However, if you’re still concerned about hygiene or feel uncomfortable, using gloves (latex or nitrile) or finger cots (sometimes also called finger condoms) is an option.

Lube

Lube isn’t as vital to external anal play as it is to any kind of anal play that requires penetration. However, it still helps to reduce friction and make movements feel more smooth, so can lead to a better experience for both/all partners. What kind of lube you want to use partly depends on what other sexual activity you want to engage with alongside external anal massage, if any. For example, if you’re using it as a warm-up for penetrative anal sex using a condom, an oil-based lube isn’t the best choice as it can cause latex barriers to break. In general, though, it’s good to choose a long lasting lube with a smooth texture.

Technique

Just like with any kind of sex, there’s no ‘one true way’ to do anal massage. Every person is different and no two of us have the exact same preferences, so listen to any feedback your partner/s may give you during play. However, some of the techniques you may want to experiment with are:

Making circular movements around the rim. Variations in size can result in different sensations, so play around with larger circle motions to begin with, gradually making your circles smaller and tighter
Using a finger to stroke downwards from the perineum—the bit of skin between the anus and the genitals—towards the buttcheeks. This can be done with just one finger, but broader and wider stimulation from more fingers can be more pleasurable for some people
Stroking with the whole hand, curving around the shape of the cheeks. While this allows for less targeted stimulation, the broad surface of the hands offers a really wide area of stimulation.

Toys

While you can use your hands alone for massage, using toys can add to your experience. While not many toys are marketed specifically for external anal massage, plenty of styles of toy can be adapted and used this way. That said, remember that if you also want to use toys for anal penetration, always make sure they have a base that’s wider than the widest point of the plug.

Wand vibrators can be a great choice for external anal massage. They’re mostly designed for external stimulation of the vulva, so using them around the anus isn’t a huge leap. By pressing the head of a wand vibrator against the perineum, some people find that they can even experience external prostate massage! That said, wand vibrators absolutely aren’t the only option. Vibrating anal toys can also be used like this, although again be careful with toys that don’t have a flared base.

Rimming

Put simply, eating ass/rimming/analingus (or whichever term you prefer) is a type of oral sex that involves using the mouth and tongue to stimulate a partner’s butthole. While it can include some penetration, the tongue has a much more limited ability for penetration than fingers, toys, or penises, which is why I’m including it as a form of non-penetrative anal play.

For some people, rimming primarily involves focusing on the external sphincter (or outer rim, hence the term ‘rimming’) of the anus, but there’s a lot of variation in what people enjoy about rimming and why. For some people, rimming may also include stimulation of the perineum. Others may enjoy it combined with shallow penetration (either with the tongue, fingers, or a toy) or external massage.

Why Do People Enjoy It?

People enjoy rimming for pretty much the same reason people enjoy any kind of sexual act— it feels good. There are a ton of nerve endings around the anus, and pressure and movement from the tongue and mouth can feel really intense and sensual. In some cases, it may be possible to stimulate the prostate from rimming. The perineum also has a ton of nerve endings, so if you’re not ready for touching the rim—or just want to slow things down—playing with it can be just as pleasurable. Some people can orgasm from rimming, while others find it quite difficult, so if the person being rimmed needs to use a hand or toy, that’s completely normal.

It’s often said that the biggest sex organ is the brain, and there can often be psychological reasons that somebody finds rimming pleasurable. Throughout history, people have been drawn to things we consider ‘off-limits’ because of the excitement that comes with breaking social rules, and as we live in a society that maintains a taboo around anal play, rimming can be sexy for some people specifically because it feels ‘kinky’ or ‘naughty’.

Hygiene and STI Risk

There are some risks to rimming, as it can transmit viruses, bacteria, and internal parasites. This transmission risk isn’t just limited to gastrointestinal issues, but also includes common STIs like herpes and gonorrhea. If you’re eating the ass of a partner with a vagina, performing oral sex afterwards does carry a risk of bacterial transfer, which can lead to STIs. However, there are steps you can take to mitigate some of these risks, including making sure to maintain good anal hygiene, not performing unprotected oral sex on a vagina after performing it on a butt, getting tested regularly, and using a dental dam.

Dental dams are a thin sheet of latex or polyurethane that can be placed between the mouth and anus (or genitals) to prevent STI transmission. They can be bought ready made, or be created from condoms or latex/nitrile gloves. While they do offer protection from STI transmissions, they do reduce some sensation and some people find them awkward to hold in place. Dental dam underwear does exist, and aims to rectify the second point, but the issue of sensation still remains. This may be a bigger dealbreaker for some than others— some people primarily enjoy receiving rimming because of pressure, and using a dental dam will have less of an impact on their experience than those who enjoy feeling the more subtle movements of a tongue.

Washing pre-rimming is really important, even if it’s just the outside. This is especially important if you’re a hairy person—no shade if you are, and don’t feel like you ‘have to’ wax if you don’t want to—, as hair is very good at holding on to things like loo paper. You don’t have to douche before rimming, but it is an option. If you’re just rimming, you don’t need to clean as deeply as you would before anal sex or deeper penetration, as the tongue can’t reach too deeply inside the anus. Remember that douching too often can have a negative impact on intestinal and colon health, as it can flush out healthy intestinal flora and ‘dry out’ the lining inside the colon and rectum. When it comes to rimming, washing the external anal area with a gentle antibacterial soap and water can often be enough.

Positions & Techniques

While there’s a wide variety of rimming positions, three of the most common are:

The receiver lying on their back, lifting their knees to their chest. Having a positioning pillow—like the Liberator Wedge—can be really helpful for this, although a normal pillow will also give a little bit of lift.
The receiver on elbows/hands and knees, with the giver positioned behind them
The giver on their back, with the receiver straddling their face. This does give the giver less control over what’s happening, which can be both a drawback and a benefit to different people, depending on what kind of dynamic they prefer

Just as with anal massage, there’s no ‘one true way’, so always listen to a partner’s feedback. Some of the techniques you might like to play with are: