Review: Uberrime Alia Grinder

Grinding is a kind of sex that hasn’t traditionally had many toys made for it, but after a few options sneaking their way into market a few years ago, the number of grinding toys really exploded during 2021. Among the sex toy companies making grinding toys is Uberrime, who’ve produced three different grinding toys—the Rosae, Labae, and Alia. From the moment I saw Uberrime’s first post, I knew the grinder I wanted to review most was the Alia. I love weird monster-y stuff in erotica content—I very briefly wrote about this back in 2019 and have a post about monster boyfriends that I’ll post sometime soon—and the weird shape and alien theme felt right up my street. Sensation was also a factor—from what I’ve heard from Betty Butch, who co-created the grinders, the Rosae feels more pliable and flickery (which I wasn’t sure I would be as into)— and I already have a couple of vulva-esque grinding toys, so wanted something a bit different to the Labae.

But, if I’m being honest, I mostly chose the Alia for the aesthetic. I was initially drawn to the green and black version of the Alia, as those two colours make up about 90% of my wardrobe. Then I saw the blue and black version and… listen, maybe I’m reaching and I also had Mass Effect on the brain because I had recently bought and was playing the Legendary Edition but I had to have it because in blue it really reminds me of the Asari. If you’re not a Mass Effect fan, the asari are a mono-gendered species[ref]Although this isn’t really handled well imo—it’s stated that Asari have no concept of gender but it’s only in the fourth game that we hear about asari who use pronouns other than she/her, and also because the first game came out in 2007 there’s very much a ‘it’s gay enough for a female player character for horny male gamers to enjoy, but not gay enough for us to not wiggle out of being gay’ vibe to the way the asari love interest is written. But that’s not really relevant to a sex toy review so I’ll shut up.[/ref] of alien, who have skin in the blue/purple/teal/green range and head crests. Also they live for a thousand years and can have sex by melding minds with others. I’m a massive simp for two Asari characters in particular—my non-binary space archaeologist wife Liara, and the unromancable non-binary space MILF Samara—so if I was going to review any of Uberrime’s grinders, it had to be this one.

Admittedly, the Alia looks as much like a face hugger as it does an Asari crest (possibly more, if I’m being honest), but there are people who are absolutely down for face hugger fucking . It has a raised line in the centre that looks a bit like a spine, that extends past the toy’s main body into a sort of ‘tail’ shape. Running off from the ‘spine’, there’s a series of leg or rib-like ridges, with little circular lumps where the spine and legs meet. In size, the Alia is 5 inches length (although a good amount of that is just the spine) by 2.5 inches wide, and vaguely heart shaped. The silicone is 0050 shore—the same as my Velvet Alley Legacy—and it means the Alia has a good level of squish without all the features becoming totally lost (although I will confess I found it hard to feel the circular lumps in practice).

The sensation is a lot more subtle than some other toys, and I will say upfront that I found it difficult to orgasm using the Alia. That said, I am also somebody who is honestly not that bothered about orgasming if I have partnered sex—as a queer top, I enjoy making my partner feel good more than I enjoy orgasming myself, and I find general pleasurable sensation much more of a draw in partnered sex than actual orgasm. I will say that these are absolutely not everyone’s preferences and it’s completely fine if orgasm is more central to you, but I will also add there are definitely people who will find it a lot easier to orgasm using grinders than me.

How Do You Use The Uberrime Grinders?

So whenever I’ve seen somebody talk about or share a picture of the Uberrime grinders, one question I always see pop up is how to actually use them. And I get why—grinding as a way of masturbating is generally really overlooked by the sex toy industry, so we’re not accustomed to seeing toys designed for it. Grinders are actually really versatile as toys though— while their name makes their main purpose pretty clear, there’s a bunch of different ways this can play out. Some ways that I’ve tried using the Alia including humping it (I’ve found putting it in my underwear and then grinding on a surface works best for me—more on that in a second), rubbing it against myself by hand, and using it as both a buffer for comfort and a surface to grind on for strap-on sex. Betty Butch has also talked about using a pair of grinders as a surface for scissoring, although I haven’t yet tried this. I also tried sticking it to a wand vibrator, but I found this didn’t work well for me, although placing it in my vulva and then using a vibrator through it was more successful.

Using the Alia By Hand

I’ll start off with the way I found least interesting to use the Alia, just to get it out of the way. Rubbing the Alia against my genitals by hand was a useful way to gauge what I felt about particular sensations, but it didn’t really do it for me, especially compared to other ways of using it. I will caveat this by saying this is pretty much to be expected from my preferences when it comes to scissoring—I love scissoring a lot, but I absolutely have to be the person on top, in that I’m physically doing most of the moving. If you are more of a bottom when it comes to scissoring or other forms of grinding sex, using the Alia this way might be more to your tastes, but for me it didn’t really do much.

Using the Alia On A Wand

Again, this is a use case I personally didn’t fine particularly interesting. I found it difficult to stick the Alia to a wand vibrator, although I had more success using it by holding the Alia in place (especially using underwear) and then using a wand through it. It does make vibrations feel a bit broader and less intense, which I can definitely see being a benefit for some people, but isn’t ideal for me as a person who loves pinpoint and rumbly vibrations. I did find that I enjoyed grinding on a wand vibrator with the Alia in my pants, but I think that’s more to do with the grinding than the wand vibrator. And speaking of grinding…

Humping/Grinding on the Alia

I know it’s not a great sign that I’m starting off this review with the ways that the Alia doesn’t work for me, but I really do genuinely love it, I swear! Even though it’s only January, I’m pretty certain that the Alia is going to make it to my top toys of 2022 list. I love this thing so much. It’s just for me that love is very specifically grinding.

I love grinding. It’s up there amongst my favourite acts for partnered sex, and the Alia adds to it in both a partnered and solo context. While you can grind on the Alia by placing it on a surface you can straddle and humping it, I’ve found holding it in place against my vulva with boxer briefs and then grinding against surfaces works best for me. The first time I used the Alia was reading some smutty Mass Effect fanfic and grinding up against the corner of my Liberator Wedge with it in my boxer briefs and it was really good. Good in the same way as the kind of sex where you only realise it’s been hours when you look at a clock, because you’re just enjoying everything so much. Physical arousal and being turned on aren’t the same thing, but I do tend to take notice when I find things exceptionally pleasurable and my body reacts well to them, and grinding on the Alia makes me absolutely gush, in a way that anything other than anal play doesn’t tend to do.

I’ve also really enjoyed using it for grinding in the context of partnered sex—I wear it in underwear the same way, but grind against my partner’s thigh rather than a surface. It feels really intimate in a way that other forms of sex aren’t always for me, and I love how easily it fits into different ways of playing with power—I can be more dominant and grind against somebody actively, or be more submissive and be “““made””” to grind against them.

You can also use the Alia by sticking it onto a surface and then grinding on it, and the back of the Alia is slightly concave in order to make it stick better. This totally works, but I did find it limited me to hard surfaces and… listen, I’m a lazy masturbator who primarily masturbates in bed. There’s a thrill to straddling the edge of the bathtub (especially as I normally don’t wank in the bathroom), but using the edge of my Wedge is a lot more comfortable and convinient. It’s in-the-pants all the way for me.

Using the Alia In A Strap-On

I’ve recently received a new strap-on harness for review (the one pictured here), and unlike the SpareParts Joque (which is my normal go-to harness), it has an open back. I’ve found more need for using a buffer with the new harness (although it’s also possible to use a buffer with the Joque by not covering the back of a dildo with the fabric panel), and the Alia works really well for this. It has enough squish to be comfortable, but not too soft to be unable to actually cushion, and I do enjoy the sensation I get from grinding on it when I strap-on top. I didn’t get a huge amount out of dildo hand-jobs or dildo-blow jobs with it, although I think that’s explained by the fact I don’t really like scissoring bottoming as discussed. Also the Alia had the unfortunate fate of coming to me in a shipment that also contained the B.J. Dildo 2.0, which is now my go-to for dildo blowjobs when I want some sensation.

Uberrime Alia vs Bananapants Bumpher

The strap-on usage potential is pretty similar to the Bananapants Bumpher, which I reviewed a while ago. However, where the Bumpher stretches over the base of a dildo, and therefore is both hollow when not filled and has a limit on the size of toy it can be used on. I do definitely prefer the Alia overall, as I find the more varied texture means even if it slips slightly out of ideal positioning, I still really enjoy grinding on it. I also find it a lot more comfortable to grind on as a stand-alone—you can flatten the back of the Bumpher to make it less open and hollow, but the Alia nestles more comfortable in my vulva, and I appreciate being able to use the Alia on a wider range of dildo sizes. That said, the Bumpher is the clear winner when it comes to wand vibrator attachments.

Overall

Even though quite a few of the use cases for it aren’t things I’m really into, I’m a huge fan of the Alia for the uses that suit me. I love the look and colour, and I love how it feels for grinding. While I’ve tried a couple of grinding toys, the Alia is absolutely my favourite—I think the variation of texture means that I don’t rely as much on specific positioning as I do with other grinding toys I’ve tried. Writing this review, I actually worry I’m really underselling the Alia, because while I only found two ways of using it that ‘clicked’ for me, it’s so good for grinding that it pretty much instantly became one of my desert island sex toys. I really, really like it, and that’s as somebody with a bunch of specific tastes around grinding as a kind of sex. If you’re less fussy than me and love grinding—and tbh even if you are as fussy as me—I cannot recommend it more.

Buy the Uberrime Alia Grinder from SheVibe for $42

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This product was sent to me by SheVibe, in return for a fair and impartial review. Affiliate links were used in this post.