I think the best way to describe the SpareParts Tomboi is that when I put it on for the first time, my thought was ‘Oh. This is why people like underwear style harnesses’. And my opinion has not changed after all the (many) times I’ve used it.
I’ve talked a lot about the drawbacks of underwear style harnesses compared to one-strap (or thong) harnesses and two strap (or jock-style) harnesses. Those drawbacks still apply to the Tomboi— while I find it super comfortable, I do not feel confident that I will still be able to wear if my body shape changes and shifts. The Tomboi’s stretchy material feels significantly more supportive than the soft cotton of previous brief and boxer harnesses I’ve had, but it’s still not perfect.
But it is—as I’ve annoyed my friends by saying multiple times—the platonic ideal of an underwear style harness. It rules and I love it. And, even more that that, I think I prefer it to the SpareParts Joque, which has previously been my most beloved harness (and the harness that made me actually like strap-on topping). Which does feel a little like heresy to say, but it’s true— I absolutely adore the Tomboi.
The SpareParts Tomboi
The SpareParts Tomboi is styled to look like brief underwear (there’s also a boxer version called the Tomboii with two i’s, which also has two o-rings rather than one) and is made from a nylon-spandex blend. It comes in 10 sizes, from XXS to 5X (although The Pleasure Garden currently only stocks XS-3X), and is available in completely black or black-and-red. I chose to review the black-and-red version, and chose the size XL.
I’ve wanted to try the Tomboi for ages, so I was really excited when The Pleasure Garden offered to send me one for review! I also definitely want to highlight the fact that The Pleasure Garden sells the Tomboi for £90, which is the cheapest I’ve been able to find it from any UK based retailer or seller.
Like the SpareParts Joque (and the packing underwear that SpareParts also makes), the Tomboi has overlapping inner mesh panels, which wick away sweat (and other body fluids) and allow some level of distance between yourself and a dildo base. But they can also be moved apart, allowing for you to use a double-ended dildo, use a grindable base like the Banana Pants BumpHer, or use a toy like the B.J Dildo Next Generation. The mesh panels also contain two holes for bullet vibrations (one above the dildo hole and one along the crotch), and a pocket for condoms, lube sachets, or anything else you can think of. I’ve worn my Tomboi to a sex party, and found being able to carry condoms on me really useful (plus I got to say ‘thanks! It has pockets’ when I got a compliment on my harness, which is perhaps a highlight of my life).
Sizing & How It Feels To Wear
Because it’s not adjustable in the same way the Joque is, picking the right size for it is really important. SpareParts does offer sizing guidance that takes into account different body shapes and sizes, rather than pure measurements. In principle, I love this! However, the video they provide to explain feels a little… confusing to me. Maybe this is a me problem, but I had to ask my partner which body shape she thought I had, and I’m still not 100% sure I made the right choice. I ended up choosing an XL, which does fit me and isn’t uncomfortable. However, it does pinch a bit on my thighs in a way that leaves me feeling less sexy than I would like. However, I’m also not sure that a size up would have been the right decision, as I feel like toys I wear with the XL feel reasonably stable and secure, and the looseness of a larger size might have left me with a little less control.
For reference, while I don’t usually wear clothing in ‘women’s’ sizing, I am around a UK size 18 (maybe 20 in some lines). In men’s clothing, I generally wear size 40 bottoms, although my actual measurements are around 39-39.5.
If you’re a bit of an odd body type, I do think it’s worth acknowledging that the Tomboi might not fit you as comfortably as an adjustable harness. That said, I didn’t feel unsexy or uncomfortable while wearing the Tomboi, and while I was aware of the weird way my thigh fat was sitting in it, the material is thin and clingy enough it didn’t really feel like I was wearing tight clothing, and it didn’t feel constrictive. The waistband is nice and thick—from the description of it as ‘athletic cut’, I was a bit worried that it’d be low cut and wouldn’t feel super flattering on me as somebody with a larger belly, but it’s actually very comfortable and higher waist than I feared. I have also heard some people complain that the Tomboi doesn’t feel flattering around their butt and, to be honest, I feel the absolute opposite of this!
What I Love About The Tomboi
The first big strength of the Tomboi is how easy it is to get on. I actually generally quite like the process of sorting out straps on a harness—it feels like putting on masc lingerie, especially if the harness is leather—but I do often need a hand to get a harness on, especially if that harness is the Joque. The Tomboi is absolutely no fuss to get on—you slip a dildo through the o-ring, pull it up and… that’s it. No adjustments in fit or second pair of hands to hold it in place while I secure the velcro (as with the Joque), it’s just on.
The Tomboi gives me a ton of coverage— while this isn’t right for everyone (I’ll talk about that a second), it works really well for me. I’m not a strict stone top (although I have been for periods in my past), but if I am topping I extremely do not want to think about my vagina or vulva, so I really like the Tomboi leaving my genitals completely off limits. The Tomboi also has enough fabric that it could be used to cover penises and make them inaccessible as well.
I also—as I mentioned earlier—actually feel very sexy while wearing the Tomboi. I’ve fallen a bit out of love with the Joque recently, because the thigh straps’ placement feels uncomfortable and flattering. While I do get a bit of thigh fat being pushed and pulled around in the Tomboi, I don’t feel it. I actually don’t really feel much of anything— it’s not quite the ‘forgetting I’m wearing a harness at all’, like the Sh! Super Strap On Harness, but the material is thin and tight and comfortable enough it doesn’t feel like I’m wearing clothes.
The Tomboi is also vegan (not an issue for me, but some of my partners care about this), and easily washable! Because of this, it’s really good for me as somebody who has multiple partners and isn’t fluid bonded to them all, as it’s very easy to sanitise between people— I just throw it in the washing machine. It is drier-friendly, but I’ve generally chosen to air dry just in case, as I don’t want to be too rough with it.
The Tomboi’s Limitations
One thing I have seen the Tomboi marketed as is packing underwear and… I don’t really think it’s fair to describe it that way, or at least I wouldn’t choose to use it that way. You could, I suppose, use the Tomboi to hold a packer in place, and the overlapping inner mesh panels work well for holding it in place. The thing is, I really do not like having a packer shaft flopping about in my trousers without underwear on top of it. You can sort of hold it in place just within the mesh panels and elastic strap, but it feels precarious in a way that the packing underwear I now use (Cake Bandit) doesn’t. If packing is an occasional thing for you, you could use the Tomboi for it… but aside from how comfortable it is and the lack of bulk, there’s no real advantage to using the Tomboi above any other strap-on harness, imo.
The Tomboi doesn’t allow for genital access in the way that harnesses like the Joque do. This is definitely a ‘your milage may vary’ point, as I actually personally find this to be a benefit, as stated above.
I also definitely want to flag that the name of this harness is… not for everyone. I’m personally not bothered by it, because I hang around enough lesbians and lesbian-adjacent queer people that my main association with the word ‘tomboy’ is now masculine adult women, but it might feel a bit infantilising to some people. It’s also sort-of gendered, and I can understand some transmasc people being uncomfortable with a harness’ name that riffs on the word ‘tomboy’, especially when that’s very prominent on the waistband, even if that’s not my personal experience.
Finally, while it’s also a limitation with the Joque, the Tomboi’s o-ring is sewn into the fabric, so it can’t be switched out. It does stretch, but even then it can only hold toys that are up to 2.25 inches in diameter at their widest point.
Overall
I really like the SpareParts Tomboi. I’m hesitant to say it’s my absolute favourite harness only because if and when my body changes, I don’t know how much I’ll still be able to use it. But I am somebody who’s never really had a hugely stable body size or shape, so that may not be as much of a concern for you (especially if you don’t share your harnesses). I do really love the Tomboi, and I’m way more excited about using it than I am the Joque at the moment, which is very unexpected! I think time will tell if it remains my favourite harness, but it is without a doubt underwear style harnesses at their absolute peak.
Buy the SpareParts Tomboi from The Pleasure Garden for £90
This product was sent to me by The Pleasure Garden in exchange for a fair and impartial review. Affiliate links were used in this post.
