Goal 1: Continue To Take Care of my Sexual Health
Bit of a boring one, but that doesn’t stop it being important. I’m actually generally pretty good in terms of sexual health. I’m on PreP, use barriers a lot of the time, don’t use toys made from unsafe materials, and get tested regularly. I want to continue these acts of self care in 2020, and introduce other ways to take care of my sexual health- I’m booked in to start some hepatitis vaccinations starting in January.
Goal 2: Include More Leather
In 2019 I discovered that I am a leather kinkster. While I’ve experimented with playing with and wearing some leather gear this year (leather shorts, lots of boots), as well as working with leather myself, I want to go harder in 2020. So far my goals include getting a leather jacket as daily wear (to try and bring those casual leatherfag vibes into my daily life), experimenting with making different types of leather gear (I’ve only made chest harnesses, collars, and cuffs so far), and getting my hands on a leather strap-on harness to take over some of the burden of being my go-to harness from my Joque (I do have a leather harness, but because of some of the hardware, it’s very much an ‘over a layer of clothing’ harness).
Part of me does want to commission a super unique harness from a really cool trans leather crafter, but in reality I am probably going to buy an Aslan Jaguar Harness. I am torn between a black and a white harness though.
I also want to start going to leather spaces irl. I’ve avoided going to leather spaces so far because there’s only a few in my city, and they have pretty strict dress codes that aren’t really affordable for me. But I’ve heard about a few events that are less strict about dress code and are actually accessible to me as a result, so I want to check those out this year.
Goal 3: More Scissoring
Yes, scissoring is a thing. I’m a big fan of vulva-vulva grinding with partners, and I want to do way more of it this year. I will need to take a break part way through the year for bottom surgery recovery, and then will have to relearn how to scissor/trib[ref]It will be possible with the surgical options I’m intending[/ref], but until then I plan to scissor as much as I can.
I also want to experiment with using toys to enhance scissoring or replicate what it is that I love about it for solo play. I’ve heard of a couple of different vibrators designed specifically for scissoring— the RockHer Mini Scissoring Vibe and the Sh-Shi Union— and even if I do cringe quite a lot at the super gendered names that have been attached to them, I do really want to try them out.
I have a few ideas of where to start looking for toys to replicate scissoring, even if I’m not quite sure if they’ll work. I have thought about buying a full silicone love doll in the past, although that’s been more fantasy than something I’ve seriously considered. Price aside, while there are sex dolls that can be customised to a pretty significant extent (including eye colour, body shape, hair, and even tattoos) I’m still not sure if I would be able to find a male doll with a vulva, which is what I would want out of one. But I’m definitely open to at least trying one out if the situation arises!
I do have my eye on a few silicone toys that resemble vulvas specifically, so maybe I’ll review some of them this coming year.
Goal 4: More Impact Play
I discovered in a relationship that lasted mid 2018 to mid 2019 that I enjoy being a spanking top. While that relationship is no longer a thing, my love is spanking is, and I’ve had fun trying out different impact toys (I have a particular fondness for a toy I bought at a queer craft fair that’s made out of recycled bike tubes). Spanking is a thing in a couple of the sexual relationships I’m currently in and I’m super happy about that, but having it be more prominent isn’t something I’d say no to. I’d also love to try out tools unlike those currently in my collection- I have my eye on some canes (include a really mean looking metal one) and a mallet currently.
Goal 5: Find A New Cum-Lube
I have a bit of a kink for breeding and cum, which sucks a little bit because I can’t produce any of my own. But if you can’t make your own cum, store bought is fine, and there are lubes intended to imitate ejaculate. I have tried a few, but both I and my partners who have vulvas are sensitive to ingredients, and I’ve only found one that I’d consider vagina friendly. Unfortunately it’s the Bad Dragon cumlube, and I’d prefer not to support Bad Dragon due to the company’s complicated history. My goal for this year is to try and find an alternative cumlube that’s vagina friendly, and potentially do a cumlube comparison post. If you have any suggestions for lubes, please do let me know!
Goal 6: Fist More
Discovering I like being a vaginal fisting top was a big moment for me this year, and I want to continue fisting into 2020. While I really like vaginal fisting and I have done it before, I do want to get more experience with anal fisting. Maybe at some point I’ll write a post about fisting too.
Goal 7: Cruise Without Shame
The last 2 months 2019 are the first time I can say for sure that I’m engaging with casual sex in a healthy way. Being single has been hard, but it’s also given me space to go out and cruise for the kinds of sex I want. While because of the relatively small T4T dating pool this has mostly been using apps (Grindr and Lex have been my go tos), I have also cruised irl, which has been a fun and exciting experience. I’ve become a lot more confident in being overtly queer and started to flag, both as queer and as kinky[ref]I’m a black, light pink, and red hankies in the left pocket kind of guy[/ref]
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