For a while I have maintained that I simply am not a size king. There are plenty of sex bloggers and sex toy reviewers who are size kings/queens/queers- Cy of Super Smash Cache and Felicity of Phallophile Reviews immediately spring to mind- so I didn’t feel like I was leaving a gap in the sex blogging sphere, and I’ve never really felt bad about not being able to/wanting to use very large toys. I simply had accepted I wasn’t among the size royalty, and had made my peace with that. There’s a reason I say ‘have’ in that sentence, and that’s because there comes a time in a sex blogger’s life when they have to ask themselves ‘am I a size king?? Do I count as a size king now??’. For me, that time was looking down at the Fleshjack Boys Boomer Banks Dildo in my hand, and knowing I had managed to fit it into my butt.
The Fleshjack Boys Boomer Banks Dildo is from Fleshlight’s Fleshjack range, an offshoot aimed at gay men. The Fleshjack Boys range specifically contains toys moulded from male porn performers, including both sleeves and dildos, pretty similar to the Fleshlight Girls range.
I won’t lie, I had absolutely no idea who Boomer Banks was before writing this review, and I still haven’t actually watched any of his porn. While fantasising about sex with a favourite porn performer is definitely part of the appeal of the Boys range for some people, I was interested in the Boomer Banks dildo just as a dildo on its own. My motivations behind asking for it to review were, in no particular order: 1) I don’t own enough dildos that have a foreskin, 2) some of the people I sleep with are absolute size royalty, and it’d be fun to have a very large toy to use for strap-on play with them, and 3) as a gen-z, I would be contractually obliged to make at least one ‘ok Boomer’ joke in the process of reviewing this toy.
As a sidenote, I have vaguely researched Boomer Banks in the process of writing this review and found there was a whole incident (CN for transphobia on that link) where somebody got mad at him for doing a scene with Billy Vega, a porn performer who is also a trans man, and Boomer essentially told the dude to fuck off. It did definitely endear Boomer Banks to me a little.
The first thing that I would say about the Fleshjack Boys Boomer Banks Dildo is that it is big. Notably big in fact- with an insertable length of 7.25 inches and a maximum circumference of 6.5 inches. I tend towards toys on the more average size, and while I have used larger insertable toys in the past, vaginal atrophy from testosterone (plus a solid year where I only topped other people) has led me to tone this down a whole bunch. In all honesty, when I took the Boomer Banks dildo out of the packaging, I was a little worried I’d bitten off more than I could chew- the Boomer Banks dildo is a comparable size to the Rentman packer from Mr Hankey’s Toys, but with a far more firm silicone, which I was concerned would make it difficult or uncomfortable to take.
I was sort of right, at least for vaginal use. I really struggled with inserting the Boomer Banks dildo, and when inserted the pointed tip of the glans was incredibly uncomfortable. It prodded at my vagina, and I could only really stand it inserted for about a minute. I was ready to call this one a failure, as I’d never tried to insert anything nearly as big as the Boomer Banks dildo anally. But, in a moment of boredom and deciding I might as well take advantage of having free time while distancing to have longer toy sessions, I figured it was worth at least trying to warm up for it. And oh my gosh, I’m so glad I did.
I will be honest, I have not taken the whole length of the Boomer Banks dildo. I prefer shallower penetration anally, so I’ve only taken it to about the midpoint of the shaft. And it did take a lot of warm up for me- I spent about an hour or so getting myself into the mood with self-massage and solo rope play before starting to use different dildos and plugs to work up to it. But once I inserted as much of it as I wanted to insert (I did take it to the widest point, so it is a length issue for me rather than a girth issue), it felt wonderful. The almost pointed tip which was uncomfortable inserted vaginally really helped for a smooth initial insertion, with the glans gliding in with no issues. I do experience more resistance after the glans, but it’s a comfortable, non-painful kind of resistance. I really appreciated the firmness of the Boomer Banks dildo once it was inserted, with the minimal squish of the silicone making the stretch feel more intense.
I tend to use dildos anally lying on my side (on my Liberator Wedge) with one slightly leg in the air, reaching back over my butt to thrust it by hand. I feel like I’m describing this badly, but I promise there is a point to this. Because of this positioning, I don’t mind having the extra length I can’t take, and honestly like the flexibility with positioning that having extra length gives me. If I did take the Boomer Banks dildo to the base, I would really struggle with having anything to hold on to, with the base getting lost in my buttcheeks. Also because of this positioning, I tend to need something chunky to hold on to, especially when my hands get all lube covered. The base of the Boomer Banks dildo is super chunky and easy to grasp on to, but I would be lying if I said the sheer heaviness of it didn’t become an issue part way through.
The heaviness of it has also made me hesitant about using the Boomer Banks dildo in a harness. I haven’t had the chance to try out the Boomer Banks dildo for harnessed sex yet- I don’t live with any of the people I’m having sex with, so I have no idea when I will next be able to have strap-on sex- but I have tried wearing it in a harness solo and I think it would take me some time to get used to the weightiness of the Boomer Banks dildo. It’d be totally possible to use the Boomer Banks dildo for strap-on play, and when I next get to play with my favourite size queer bottoms after this is all over I will definitely try it and update this review, but would take some getting used to. While I know there are bottoms who have taken a pounding from Boomer Banks’ actual penis, the firmness of this dildo means it’ll be one I use for shallow thrusting and stretching rather than hard fucking.
While the Boomer Banks dildo very much isn’t a toy for everyone, I’m really glad I got the chance to try and review it. It almost certainly won’t become a regular feature of my solo sex life, but you know what? Sometimes Kelvin can use a big dildo anally, as a treat. It’s totally fine if your preferences are more on the small or average size, the Fleshjack Boys Boomer Banks Dildo isn’t the right dildo for you, but for those of you who are size kings/queens/queers I’d recommend it! Also as an FYI I self anally fisted for the first time after using this toy, which is an achievement I want to share even if I wasn’t sure where to put it in this review.
Buy the Fleshjack Boys Boomer Banks Dildo from Betty’s Toy Box for $59.95
This product was sent to me by Betty’s Toy Box, in return for a fair and impartial review. Affiliate links were used in this post.
