One of the really interesting things about running a blog for so long is that my blog often functions as a log of the ways my preferences and/or ways of understanding myself have changed over the last 5 years. Some of that’s been in the way I describe my orientation—from bisexual to questioning if I was gay to ‘oh no, definitely bisexual—or position—I started this blog when I almost exclusively bottomed, and now write it as a (somewhat stone) top. Among these changes, I’m constantly learning about new kinks that start doing it for me. While I have previously written a post on this, kink preferences are ever waxing and waning, so I wanted to write a follow up, outlining some of the newer kinks I’ve discovered an interest in.
Chastity
Chastity is one of those kinks been on the back burner for a while (ever since I put my first boyfriend in a chastity belt), but has come back in full force in the past six months. While I’m vaguely interested in belts/other forms of vulva chastity devices, my fantasies have primarily been about chastity cages (and near exclusively on trans women, because I live that T4T life).
I’m generally not super interested in the D/s part of BDSM, so the uptick in chastity fantasies really surprised me to begin with. That said, I’m not totally disinterested in D/s dynamics—especially if they’re serving sadomasochism, which is my primary kink interest—and I do think my chastity related fantasies can fit into two (or three) main boxes.
First is the ‘this person is in chastity for XYZ reasons, but they want me so bad they take the cage off, despite their previous conviction’. It’s a very corruption kink heavy angle, and gels really nicely with incubus monster power fantasies I have and/or religious play[ref]Often fake and D&D/fantasy inspired religion stuff, I’m not going to lie. I am the polyam D&D playing kinky man stereotype[/ref].
There is a D/s angle for me as well (like I said, I’m not totally disinterested), but it’s very gendered in terms of what appeals to me as a dominant. If I’m fantasising about a woman (which is most of the time I think about/play with chastity), it’s more of a sort of… comforting angle? See the erotica piece I wrote for the kind of thing I mean. There is a little bit of a cruelty to it, but it’s more playful. Whereas if I’m thinking about cis men, there’s primarily a humiliation angle to it. And I’m sure that could be unpacked, but I’m not going to.
CBT
CBT is a kink I discovered primarily though play with a partner, and then my imagination running off on its own. As with chastity, I find CBT to be a super gendered thing for me. If I’m doing or thinking about it with trans women, the sadism is far more playful and I’m mostly uninterested in power play aspects. Whereas with men (cis or trans, although mostly cis as I’m cautious about post-bottom surgery CBT), the appeal is definitely being in a more dominant/cruel headspace. Again, could be unpacked, but I’m not going to.
My experimentation with CBT has been relatively mild so far, mostly consisting of light flicking or slapping, some light ball crushing wearing boots, electroplay, wartenberg pinwheels, and a very mean looking toy from Bondatrix, but I’m definitely interested in playing heavier. I’m very interested in ball busting conceptually, but cautious about it from a risk management perspective (and tbh, will probably not do it until after finding/paying a pro-dom to coach me).
Bloodplay
Bloodplay is one of the things that I—for a long time—put on my ‘absolutely no, absolutely not’ hard limits list. I played around with it a couple of years ago with some vampire impact toys, but have mostly let it lie dormant until this year.
While I’m interested in needleplay, my current way of doing bloodplay is through impact toys. I discovered Trussed UK a few years ago, at the last London Alternative Market pre-pandemic, but only bought a couple of their nasty spiked impact toys this year. And it was such a good decision.
I originally bought the Mace Stick, as I really like how brutal it looks and love playing with cheesy medieval fantasy dungeon aesthetics in my play. While I originally thought I’d only use it as a show piece, I was really pleasantly surprised by how versatile it is. The spikes can be dragged along the skin like claws, pressed into the skin, lightly tapped against the body, or hit with enough force to break skin. The plastic spikes are removable for sanitisation, which alleviates a lot of my fluid cross-contamination anxieties around leather vampire toys. I very quickly followed my purchase of the Mace Stick with the more paddle-like Stickleback.
Funnily, I’m actually really squeamish when thinking about blood, so it doesn’t actually turn up in my fantasies at all. But—for whatever reason—my squeamishness to the idea of blood doesn’t have any impact when it comes to actually seeing it. It’s not a power play thing for me, so the only thing I’m left with is that it’s just… very intimate? I don’t think I’d want to do bloodplay outside of long term relationships, so there’s that.
I’m still figuring out where I want to go with bloodplay. I know that knifeplay and playing with scalpels are off the table for me (at least for the moment— I’m aware I would have once said any bloodplay was off the table). I do have some interest in learning more about needle play, but still not sure how much I actually want to be a needle top. It might remain as just a ‘vampire/spiked impact toys’ kind of play for me, and I’m ok with that!
Electroplay
Admittedly, this one isn’t so much a ‘new kink’ as a ‘rediscovered kink’. There’s a reason my SheVibe trading card shows me holding a Neon Wand, after all. However, I’ve started using my wand a lot more again recently, and tried combining it with conductive rope.
My interest in BDSM is primarily as a sadist top and I tend to play with heavy bottoms. However—for a mixture of reasons—I sometimes emotionally struggle to dish out the kinds of pain my bottoms and I want. The conductive rope adds an element of unpredictability to wand play, while still letting me control where the current flows. One of my favourite things to do is make contact with conductive rope right at the knot, allowing the current to move in different directions and with even less predictability. The visual is also absolutely gorgeous, especially in low light, with the current jumping and glowing around the knot.
I do have some next steps planned for my electroplay journey. I’m aware the Neon Wand is a relatively mild violet wand unit. While it can dish out a reasonable amount of pain, I’m interested in finding electrodes that are designed to be more painful to my toolkit, as well as some attachments that mean the wand can be used in a larger variety of ways. In particular, I’ve got my eye on floggers, canes, and contact pads.
This erotica post was sponsored by TotalChastity.com. None of the links are affiliate links.
