Review: 2023 Lovehoney Rose 12 Sex Toy Advent Calendar

Sex toy Advent calendars are something I’ve always wanted to review on this blog. I was super lucky (and am very excited!) that this year to get to review not just one but two different calendars — the Lovehoney X Womanizer 24 Day Sex Toy Advent Calendar and the Lovehoney Rose 12 Sex Toy Advent Calendar.

Retailing slightly cheaper than the Lovehoney X Womanizer 24 Day Sex Toy Advent Calendar, the Lovehoney Rose 12 Sex Toy Advent Calendar has half the amount of toys in it. But did this mean there was more focus in designing it? Less filler and fluff than the 24 day calendar? If you’re deciding between the two of them, which would I recommend? Read on to find out – spoilers lie ahead!

Non Spoiler Thoughts

To start off on a good foot, I really appreciate that the Lovehoney Rose 12 Sex Toy Advent Calendar is designed so it can easily be used by a single person, as well as by a couple. While many of the toys are vulva specific, there’s no penis specific toys, so single people with vulvas or couples who both have vulvas can use this just as easily as people in cisgender M/F relationships. This was one piece of critique that I had about the Lovehoney X Womanizer 24 Day Sex Toy Advent Calendar — it is clearly designed specifically for people in cis M/F couples, in a way that did feel a bit alienating as a trans reviewer.

However, in terms of the actual calendar? I actually feel a bit mean for saying it, but I think the Lovehoney 12 Day Rose Advent Calendar is absolutely let down by its star product. The general product selections are pretty solid, with only one other product that I think is a total dud. But the Lovehoney Rose Clitoral Suction Stimulator is so weak and mild that I don’t get much out of it personally, and that sours the whole experience for me.

Deciding between this and the Lovehoney X Womanizer 24 Day Sex Toy Advent Calendar? Get the 24 day one. While there is a lot more fluff in that calendar, I think it can justify its £150 price point far more easily than the Lovehoney 12 Day Rose Advent Calendar can justify its £100 price point.

Item By Item

Day 1: USB Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator

I was pleasantly surprised by the bullet vibrator included in this calendar! It’s no We-Vibe Tango, but it’s much more powerful than I was expecting. Despite being a known power king, I didn’t have any trouble actually getting off with this bullet, which isn’t the case for a lot of bullet vibrators out there.

I do think there’s some things to criticise here — this vibe does have a tendency to overheat, is quite loud, and has a steady pattern to speed ratio that does not fit my preferences (there’s 3 solid speed to 7 patterns). The vibrations, while powerful, are a bit on the buzzier side. But overall, I’m quite happy with this bullet vibrator, especially given how easily Lovehoney could have gotten away with including a lesser, buzzier, battery operated bullet vibrator. Instead, they included a good little USB rechargeable (and therefore waterproof) bullet (I’m pretty sure this is the Glow Up in a different colour). Several other toys in this calendar use the Day 1 bullet vibrator as a base, and I think they got a good start here!

Day 2: G-Spot Dildo

I think this dildo is a little short and has a bit too much of a gentle curve to work for g-spot stimulation for a lot of people, but I am a fan of its inclusion. It’s a small, newbie friendly size, and the tip is firm enough that if it does match up with your anatomy, it’ll deliver enough firm targeted pressure for proper g-spot stimulation.

I am a bit sceptical about if it’s truly anal safe. The flared base is a little thin, and I am anxious that it might bend a little under enough pressure. However, it is flared enough to be wearable in a strap-on harness — the red is actually a great matching shade to the Lovehoney Unisex Strap-On Harness Briefs, if you’re looking for an affordable extra addition to this calendar.

My one qualm with this dildo other than the size and gentle curve is the hollow cavity. This allows for you to insert the bullet vibrator from Day 1, and it works very well when the bullet is inserted. The vibrations are transmitted effectively, and the bullet actually sits deep enough within the dildo that it’s still usable in a harness rather than sticking out the end.

However, when the bullet isn’t inserted into this cavity, it has a tendency to collapse under pressure, such as when the vaginal muscles squeeze around it. I don’t have an easy fix for this, beyond just only using it with the bullet inserted, which obviously isn’t always possible.

Day 3: Blindfold

It’s a little basic, but that doesn’t mean this blindfold isn’t good. While the outer layer is a red satin-y fabric which I honesty don’t love the sensation of, the inside layer of this blindfold is a padded crushed faux-velvet, which is much more comfortable. The double head strap makes it feel very secure around my head, and only a little bit of light is let in around the nose.

I do wish it had a bit of a festive pattern (like the blindfold in the 24 day calendar) rather than being plain red, but I appreciate this makes the blindfold feel less season specific.

Day 4: Crystal Butt Plug

Maybe it’s because my kink awakening took place on Tumblr back in the mid 2010s, but I have such a soft spot for these crystal ‘princess plugs’. I find the red and silver combo really aesthetically pleasing (more so than the purple and silver in the 24 day calendar).

The aluminium metal can be warmed up or cooled down for temperature play, so it offers some exploration options on top of being an introduction to anal play. It does lack some of the weight of steel, but if you’re used to silicone plugs, the weight is pretty noticeable.

I do think it’s maybe a little on the fatter side for a total newbie to anal play — at its widest, it’s about three of my fingers thick — and the jump from the thin neck to the bottom of the bulb can be uncomfortable on removal. I also would caution that round bases tend to be less comfortable to wear long term than t-bar bases, so this isn’t a butt plug to wear outside the bedroom.

Day 5: Kegel Balls

I’m not personally hugely interested in Kegel balls (despite the fact I can hear my hysterectomy surgeon yelling at me for even just saying those words), but I like their inclusion here! They’re a really versatile toy, and can be used for purely exercising the pelvic floor, to add sensation to solo play, or as part of partnered sex — having them inserted vaginally can make anal play or sex more stimulating, as the balls roll against the g-spot.

At 54 grams, these Kegel balls are pretty middle of the road in terms of weight, which makes sense to me as a choice — while they may be a little too heavy for some, they’re also not light enough that they’re something somebody will quickly find too easy.

Also, really appreciate that the balls can also be easily removed for easier cleaning.

Day 6: Mint Orgasm Balm

I really love these balm! It does have a strong menthol smell and the effects can dissipate a bit quicker than other balms I’ve tried, but I’m overall a fan.

This balm has a tingling cooling sensation, and while it’s not a magic bullet for arousal, I find it works well for me when warming up. I particularly enjoy using it when I’m reading erotica, or when I’m practicing a kink skill solo as a pre-wank warmup. For partnered play, it’s also great for tease/denial games.

Day 7: Mini G-Spot Vibrator

Unfortunately, this mini g-spot vibrator is a total miss for me. It is — to its credit — one of the only item in the calendar I feel strongly this way about. I will also give credit for the vibrations here — they’re a lot stronger and better than I expected from a battery powered vibrator.

Everything else about this vibrator is a ‘no’ from me though. The vibrator is controlled through a twisting mechanism, which only has ‘on’, ‘off’, and ‘open’ (to get to the battery compartment) options. This is an odd control mechanism anyway, even before the fact that the vibrator is so small that to get any g-spot stimulation from it, it needs to be inserted beyond this twisting mechanism. This results in a user needing to insert it while it’s already turned on, which makes the experience more uncomfortable than it needs to be.

This vibrator is also extremely loud, without the power that can sometimes justify loud sound. The one saving grace that could be here is that the long shape and curve means it can be good for comfortable clitoral stimulation… but it also misses that mark for me by being packaged with a much better bullet vibrator.

Day 8: Dice

Sex dice are a pretty common novelty, and I’m generally not that interested in them. However, these dice are my favourite way I’ve seen the concept implemented. One die contains a picture of one toy from the calendar on each face, while the other has various time periods on clock faces (raining from 1 to 15 minutes, plus a ? for free choice).

I think this is a really fun way to make the dice themed for this specific calendar, rather than feeling generic. They also don’t make any judgments on who might be using the calendar — there’s no depiction of a particular kind of couple, or even a depiction of a couple at all. They can be used just as easily for solo play as they can for coupled play.

If I had one bone to pick, it’s that the pictures depict toys that haven’t actually been opened at this point in the calendar yet, so it can be a bit of a spoiler. I can also see an argument that these dice are limited if or once you have a toy collection beyond the contents of this calendar, although I’d argue it’s pretty easily to interpret the pictures to be about ‘types’ of toy, rather than the specific ones within the calendar.

Day 9: G-Spot Massager

This g-spot massager has what I described in my other calendar review as “the rabbit vibrator problem”. In toys made to target multiple part of the anatomy, there’s a higher likelihood that some dimensions don’t fit a user’s body. With single function toys, placement can be adjusted pretty easily, but this is more difficult to do with a toy that targets multiple areas.

All of this is to say that there’s a chance part of this toy won’t fit your body, whether that’s the curve not quite hitting your g-spot, the external portion not sitting right against your clit, or both. If this happens, know it’s an issue with the toy, not a failure of your body.

I will also caution that the vibrations from adding the Day 1 bullet vibrator to this massager are near exclusively external. While there’s pressure on the g-spot from the internal arm (and the silicone is firm enough to effectively deliver that targeted stimulation), if you do specifically need internal vibration for g-spot stimulation, I don’t think it’ll give you that.

That said, for lucky people whose anatomy works well with this g-spot massager and who mostly want external vibration, I think it’s likely to work pretty well. The external arm transmits vibrations effectively — despite the relatively firm silicone, I don’t find they’re dampened much.

Day 10: Nipple Clamps

I love these clamps. As I said in my review of the 24 Day Lovehoney x Womanizer calendar, the little bells on these got my partner and I to start singing ‘jingle tits, jingle tits, jingle all the way’. I find them so fun conceptually, and I’m so glad Lovehoney went with bells here instead of the Lovehoney logo charm they’ve put on nipple clamps in Advent calendars of the past.

These nipple clamps — as well as being really delightful — are a really good choice for beginners. While they’re a little light on sensation for experienced players (the partner I do most of my nipple play with likes clover clamps, so she likely won’t get much out of these), the relatively soft pinch is well suited to newbies. There can be a learning curve as regulating pressure can be tricky, but tweezer style clamps are easy to put on and take off quickly if needed. There can be some issues with larger nipples, but overall I think this was exactly the right choice in terms of clamp style for this calendar.

Day 11: Anal Beads

So off the bat, I don’t think these anal beads are safe for anal use without the bullet vibrator from day 1 inserted into it — the silicone of the base is a little too easily moved, and I can see it being accidentally sucked up into the butt with a strong enough sphincter contraction.

That said, they work really well with the bullet inserted. Vibrations carry well through all of the beads, although they are strongest near the base. While the beads are a little larger than I’d normally recommend for newbies to anal and I would prefer if they had a more squashed shape rather than being totally round, they have a feature I really like that mitigates some of my concerns on the second half. The stem between beads graduates alongside the size of the beads, so the actual jump between bead and stem is never too jarring, making both insertion and removal a lot more comfortable.

Day 12: Lovehoney Rose Clitoral Suction Stimulator

‘The Rose Toy’ (there are actually a whole bunch) took the internet by storm in the past couple of years, and I’m not surprised Lovehoney decided to make a calendar with a rose air pulsation toy as the hero product in response.

This version of The Rose seems to be a Lovehoney specific design — unlike another rose I reviewed, it has two buttons, and the nozzle that fits around the clit is soft silicone that can also be removed for easy cleaning. It’s waterproof, and comes with 4 steady settings and 6 patterns.

I won’t lie, I personally found the Rose to be a bit disappointing. The sensation is pretty mild, even compared to air pulsation toys around the same price point (the Lovehoney Rose normally retails for about £55) rather than more expensive air pulsation toys. If you’ve got much experience with air pulsation toys, I honestly think you’ll be a bit disappointed here.

I also don’t understand why the Lovehoney Rose was designed with two buttons. Originally, my assumption was that one button could be used to go back a setting, and was ready to praise this feature. But this isn’t the case at all — the convex button literally just serves to turn the toy on, with the concave button being the one that cycles through all the settings.

Admittedly, I think this Rose had its work cut out for it given it’s come to me after I’ve reviewed another Rose. Comparatively, I strongly prefer the BestVibe Rose — the sensation is a lot stronger, and I also find it a more comfortable fit size-wise.

If you know you prefer gentler sensation with air pulsation toys? The Lovehoney Rose might still work for you. I was able to orgasm with the Lovehoney Rose, which isn’t always the case with more gentle vibrations. But for me it was a bit of a disappointment — not quite as much as the g-spot vibrator, but felt more given this is meant to be the standout product of the calendar.

Overall Breakdown

It’s hard to pick a best item here, as most of them were pretty good. The standout worst item in my opinion is the Mini G-Spot Vibrator, but I actually found the Lovehoney Rose Clitoral Suction Stimulator most disappointing. While it’s not anywhere near as bad as the Mini G-Spot Vibrator, it is pretty mild stimulation wise, and I think the disappointment definitely stings because it’s meant to be the hero product of this calendar.

To break all 12 items into a Like/Neutral/Dislike list:

Like:
1. USB Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator
2. G-Spot Dildo
3. Blindfold
4. Crystal Butt Plug
5. Kegel Balls
6. Mint Orgasm Balm
7. Dice
8. Nipple Clamps
9. Anal Beads

Neutral:
1. G-Spot Massager
2. Lovehoney Rose Clitoral Suction Stimulator

Dislike:
1. Mini G-spot Vibrator

So Is It Worth It?

There are definitely a lot less duds here than in the 24 Day Advent Calendar, but overall I’m less of a fan. In some ways, it’s almost the opposite experience of the 24 day calendar — the hero product there was so good that it made up for all the fluff, whereas here, the hero product is disappointing enough that it sours the whole calendar.

If you’re somebody who knows they prefer milder stimulation, I do think you’ll have a different experience. I definitely am coming at this as somebody who is a card carrying member of the Doxy fan club, and prefers stronger vibrations. But when the highest setting on the Rose feels equivalent to the second lowest on the Womanizer Classic 2, the quality difference between the hero products in the two calendars is pretty stark.

Buy the 2023 Lovehoney Rose 12 Sex Toy Advent Calendar from Lovehoney

You can also use the code KELVIN15 for 15% off all orders!